Help A Brother Out?

EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY

CRAIG, a young man wearing a sandwich board advertisement for
a 15 dollar oil change stands on a moderately busy street
corner. He is waving at the passing cars with faux
enthusiasm. Into the frame comes another human advertisement,
this one in full costume as an ELEPHANT. He has an elaborate
trunk with no visible mouth hole. He stands next to Craig and
begins waving at cars.

CRAIG

Full costume... Tough break, dude.
(taking a closer look at
the costume)
Can you even breath in that thing?

ELEPHANT

(motioning to his trunk)
Fully functional trunk.

CRAIG

Niiice.

ELEPHANT

(unenthusiastically)
Yeah... They spare no expense at
Earl’s House of Peanuts.
(pointing to the logo on
his chest)

They both wave in silence for a beat or two.

ELEPHANT (CONT’D)

Man... I’d trample a whole village
for a cigarette right now.
(looking at Craig)
Got a smoke?

CRAIG

Yeah, alright.

CRAIG takes out a cigarette and motions to the elephant head
piece

CRAIG (CONT’D)

You gonna take that thing off, or
what?

ELEPHANT

(looking around
suspiciously)
(MORE)
Yeah, I’m not really sure I should
do that... I mean, these peanut
people... They were pretty serious
about not breaking character... I
need this gig!

Craig shrugs his shoulders and starts to put away his
cigarette

CRAIG

Alright then.

ELEPHANT

Wait, wait, wait. Let’s not be
hasty here. I need that smoke.

CRAIG

(slightly exasperated)
Well, unless you can take a drag
through your trunk I don’t see how
this is going to w-

ELEPHANT

(excitedly)
That's perfect! You draw on it and
blow the smoke back up my trunk.
(holding the trunk out)

CRAIG

...You want me to give you blowback
through your elephant trunk?
(shaking head doubtfully)

ELEPHANT

(waving the trunk)
FULLY functional elephant trunk...
Come on, man. I’m jonesin. Help a
brother out!

CRAIG

This is really unbelievable. You
owe me one.

ELEPHANT

(pointing to his costume)
Hey, we NEVER forget, right? Don’t
worry about it. Let’s do this.

The STOPLIGHT above the street blinks from red to green. Cars
and trucks rumble past.

CRAIG (OFF SCREEN)

(a cigarette being lit)
Okay. Here it comes.

ELEPHANT (OFF SCREEN)

(coughing)
Okay... Now pinch the trunk so the
smoke doesn’t...
(muffled)
...Oh yeah, that’s the good stuff.
What are these, menthols?

CRAIG (O.S.)

Huh? Oh, no. That’s probably my
mouthwash.

ELEPHANT (O.S.)

Hmm. It’s nice.

CRAIG (O.S.)

Thank you.

FIVE MINUTES LATER

Craig is stamping out the CIGARETTE on the pavement. The
Elephant is standing next to him, wisps of smoke escaping
from the headpiece. They are waving at passing cars.

ELEPHANT
Whew! Now I’m ready to pimp some
peanuts.

He pats Craig on the back with one of his big elephant
hooves.

ELEPHANT (CONT’D)
Thanks, bro. I owe you one.

The elephant leaves. Craig shakes his head and begins waving
at cars again. After a pause, a man in a fish costume
approaches and stands next to him. The costume has small,
little flippers in place of functional arms, and a logo sewn
into the chest reading SUSHI SHACK. The FISH begins waving to
the cars.

FISH
Hey, man.

CRAIG
(trying to look busy)
Hey.

FISH
(squirming in his armless
suit)
Man... I have to pee SO bad.

Craig looks over and sees him wiggling his useless flippers,
and looking down at his own crotch helplessly.

FISH (CONT’D)
Hey, buddy? Help a brother out
here?

Craig sighs, takes one last look at him, and walks away.
After a pause the Fish begins waving at cars again.

FADE TO BLACK